The Competence Trap

I knew the answer. I also knew I couldn't just say it.

We were doing one of those corporate team-building escape room games. Manufactured fun, mandatory enthusiasm, everyone pretending they're not checking the time. I went in with the standard attitude: I'll participate, I'll be a good sport, but I'm not going to be that guy who takes it too seriously.

Then the game started and suddenly I cared. I saw the patterns and understood the clues. My brain worked through the logic puzzles. And when I'd figure something out, I'd feel excited at being helpful to the team. But then I figured out the next answer too.. and instead of just saying "We should go left," I'd say something like: "Maybe we could try going left? Or whatever you guys think. I don't know, just an idea." I was hedging my bets. Managing how I came across more than I was managing the actual puzzle. Meanwhile, the clock kept ticking and we were losing time.

I wasn't just playing an escape room game anymore. At some point it had shifted from fun into this much more complex thing where I was trying to be competent without being too competent. Valuable without being threatening. Intelligent while still being likeable.

It probably cost us the win. I'm good at these types of games. I can usually see the patterns and figure things out quickly, and I've learned through enough awkward moments that being too obvious about it makes people uncomfortable. So I hide it or I hedge. I say "or whatever you guys want to do" when I actually know exactly what should be done. And my actual enjoyment of playing the game suffered for it.

I wanted to be laid back and fun. I also wanted to be intelligent and good at the game and a valuable teammate. Trying to be all of those things simultaneously meant I wasn't fully any of them.

And because of that I lost the opportunity to actually play a game and have fun! I spent the entire time managing perceptions instead of actually participating. I believe the solution is to simply pick what your intent is in playing and stick to it. Because trying to play all sides at once while pretending you’re not playing any of them is a guaranteed way to lose.